


you’re not that far off

by omoiyaris



Category: Collar x Malice (Visual Novel)
Genre: M/M, minor spoilers for Enomoto and Sasazuka’s routes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:13:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25842619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omoiyaris/pseuds/omoiyaris
Summary: Sasazuka, in Mineo's esteemed and unbiased opinion, is the absolute worst.Enomoto and Sasazuka, a partnership (of sorts).
Relationships: Enomoto Mineo/Sasazuka Takeru
Comments: 13
Kudos: 26





	you’re not that far off

**Author's Note:**

> did i just write a fic for an audience of one (me)? yes i did. set in a vaguely defined timeline where ichika isn't collared and never works with yanagi's group, so uh, i'm just going to sweep the implications of a very bad end under the rug. 
> 
> title from hidden shelters by lovelier other.

Sasazuka, in Mineo’s esteemed and unbiased opinion, is the absolute _worst_. 

He’d been prepared— _eager_ , even—to give him the benefit of the doubt when they’d first met. Whatever his apprehensions about trusting others on a personal level, Mineo acknowledged that he was fundamentally useless in this investigation. Yanagi needed better support than him, and for his sake, Mineo was willing to work with whoever could contribute. 

But that was before he met Sasazuka. 

Even barring the insults, the shots to his investigative ability, and the general stream of unpleasantness spilling out of his mouth, Sasazuka treats him like he’s the dumbest person he’s ever had the misfortune of meeting. And maybe that’s true, but Mineo still thinks he should be treated as a _human_ and not a gofer. 

“I feel wronged,” Mineo complains, dispatched on yet another donut run. Sasazuka had attempted to sweeten the deal by saying he could buy something for himself, but now that he’s here, Mineo doesn’t want any food. What he wants is some respect. 

And a little bit of food. 

“I just think it’s a crime that the seaweed head can be a gremlin while looking like _that_ ,” he continues, grabbing random snacks off the shelf and throwing them into his basket with too much force. 

Yanagi, who’d ducked into the conbini shortly after Mineo to grab a box of cigarettes, raises an eyebrow in his direction but says nothing. 

“You know what I mean, right, Yanagi-senpai? He’s awful, but he’s so cute. I want to fight him more than I want to hug him. It’s a waste!”

“I actually don’t know what you mean,” Yanagi says evenly. His lips twitch as he reaches for some wrapped onigiri, and Mineo feels like he just missed a joke. 

(He throws a matcha flavoured donut into the mix out of spite. Sasazuka forces him to eat it, but it’s delicious, so really, Mineo wins in a way.)

* * *

It would be easier to hate Sasazuka if he weren’t smart. Not only that, his investigative and hacking skills are top-notch. Mineo grudgingly admits that he’s an important ally to have on their side. The smug, slightly mocking smirk Sasazuka wears when he says so is burned into the back of his eyelids. 

Unlike Sasazuka, Mineo is _not_ smart. His investigative skills are maybe mid-notch on the best of days. The X-Day incidents loom in the background of his everyday life, but he hasn’t made any progress on his case for a while. Rather than say he _can’t_ , that it is beyond his abilities, the issue is more that Mineo doesn’t want to. Guilt swirls in his stomach whenever Yanagi asks him for an update, and he always vows to himself that he will start putting in some effort, but—

The impulse fizzles out soon enough, and he’ll find himself on the couch in the office once again while Yanagi is out canvassing Shinjuku. 

Sasazuka is usually there too; Mineo grows used to the sound of him typing while he tries to read or watch tv. He also grows used to Sasazuka’s periodic nagging. Yanagi calls it _concern_ (in his own way), but Mineo thinks it's just more of Sasazuka being an asshole about his perceived lack of worth. 

“Hey, idiot.” 

Case in point: their conversations usually begin like this.

Mineo looks up from his book to see Sasazuka’s gaze trained on him, heavy with irritation. “Instead of lying around doing shit nothing, at least try to be useful. Go work on your case or something.” 

“Eh?” He wonders if Sasazuka hit a dead end in his own investigation, or if it’s the sound of Mineo breathing that managed to piss him off. Either way, he’s going to make it worse, because it’s Sasazuka, and because he can. “But I’m doing something important right now!”

Sasazuka’s eyes narrow. “What?”

“Keeping you company.” 

There’s silence. Sasazuka’s expression morphs into one of sheer and utter disgust. “... Die, you stupid protozoan.” He turns back to his computer and resumes typing, hitting the keys heavily, as if they’ve personally wronged him somehow. Loud clacking fills the room and drowns out any protest Mineo attempts to make.

It sucks that Sasazuka is right, and it sucks that Mineo is compelled to acknowledge it. “I know I should,” Mineo says, after some time has passed. He looks down at his hands and slowly clenches his fingers into fists. “I _know_ I should be trying harder. We don’t have a lot of time left.” 

“If you know, then.” Sasazuka shrugs without looking away from his screen. “Act instead of whining.” He glances over when Mineo doesn’t respond and adds, “But go buy me donuts first.”

Mineo starts. “What does that have to do with investigating?!” 

“Idiot, just clear your head.” It’s a kindness in its own way. Sasazuka’s words are harsh, but his tone is somewhere between tolerant and almost-but-not-quite sympathetic. “Wait, come here. Hold out your hand.”

“Why?” Mineo asks, already approaching Sasazuka’s workstation with far too much caution than required. Sasazuka rummages through one of his drawers, then straightens and drops a brightly wrapped piece of candy into Mineo’s open palm. “Is this poison?”

“It’s candy,” Sasazuka says, annoyed. “Bring results and I’ll give you more.” 

“Like a reward?” 

Sasazuka’s mouth stretches into a wicked grin. “I mean, that’s how you train dogs, isn't it?”

“Wow, you really are the worst.” Mineo unwraps the candy and pops it into his mouth. “It’s sweet,” he says, and Sasazuka scoffs as if to say, _of course it is, what did you expect?_

After Sasazuka returns to his investigation, Mineo folds the wrapper into a neat little square and tucks it into his pocket. Maybe he’d be okay with receiving more candy, he thinks, sneaking a look at Sasazuka’s hunched frame. Maybe, like the candy, Sasazuka is also sw—

“Donuts,” Sasazuka reminds him curtly. 

Mineo takes it back. 

* * *

Diving headfirst into his X-Day case is like picking at a still-healing scab. Mineo’s chest feels tight every time he thinks about Fuji, about the truths his death uncovered, about the sharp sting of betrayal. But X-Day grows closer with each passing second, and he knows he can’t afford to look away anymore. 

So he throws himself into the investigation with renewed vigour. He lacks the zeal his past self had for this kind of work, but maybe that’s a good thing—Mineo looks at the facts more measuredly, more calmly than he used to. He keeps the stubbornness, though, that dogged determination to chase his leads to the bitter end. According to his old coworkers, it was his only good trait. Mineo wonders if it’ll lead him to any results now. 

He speaks to Ogata, but the conversation goes nowhere. Isshiki is next; there’s _something_ about him that beckons Mineo closer, probing at him to dig. And sure, maybe he’s chasing theories that better people than him have already considered, but—at least he’s doing something. At least he can look at Yanagi and not feel like he’s dragging him down. 

Sasazuka is not even mildly impressed with his progress. Which, Mineo thinks, is _unfair_ , but whatever. It’s not like he needs affirmation from Sasazuka anyway. Not like he needs Sasazuka to acknowledge his efforts—though it would be nice. 

But in true Sasazuka fashion, all he says when he comes to the office and finds Mineo bent over a stack of case files is, “I can hear your brain overheating from here.”

“I was concentrating.” Mineo looks over to see Sasazuka tapping away on his phone while still bundled in his coat. The tip of his nose is red from the cold. Mineo has alternatively thought of Sasazuka as _delicate_ and _pretty_ in the safety of his own mind, and never more than now. It’s kind of infuriating. “Are you—are you playing a game?”

“I’m setting a trap.” Sasazuka peels himself out of his coat while somehow still playing his game. Mineo has to admire his concentration and fine motor skills.

“For Souda? I thought he was in police custody.”

“He is. But I’m not trying to catch him; I’m trying to break him.” The smile on Sasazuka’s face is eerie. Mineo shudders despite himself.

“You’re a demon.”

“Yeah, and?” Dropping into his chair, Sasazuka finally puts his phone down and boots his PC up. “How’s your investigation going?” His tone turns bitingly teasing. “Zero progress, I bet.”

“Hey!” It’s more like 20% progress if he had to gauge, but Mineo doesn’t want to hear that from Sasazuka of all people. “I’m getting somewhere. Slowly, but I have a theory I need to follow up on.”

“Okay.” Sasazuka sounds nonplussed by his declaration, his eyebrows knitting together as he studies Mineo closely. “Well, let me know when you screw up. I can offer support.” 

Mineo blinks. “You’re offering… to help me…?” he asks haltingly. That can’t be right, can it? Although, he notes that Sasazuka said _when you screw up_ rather than _if you screw up_ , which makes it sound a little more believable. He won’t let the implications of that ruin the moment. “Sasazuka, you care?”

“Idiot,” Sasazuka says immediately. “It’s for the sake of the investigation.” But the color in his face seems to have travelled from his nose to his cheeks, dusting them with the palest of pink. 

The sight would be enchanting on anyone else. _Well_ , Mineo thinks. Even on Sasazuka, it makes his heart flutter a bit—but maybe his body has gone into shock upon being confronted with Sasazuka who almost sounds kind of nice. 

_Yeah_ , Mineo thinks, watching Sasazuka take a bite of the chocolate he keeps stashed in his desk. His cheeks puff up like an adorable chipmunk, and Mineo strongly, desperately wants to reach over and squeeze them. _It’s just the shock._

* * *

“Have you ever hated someone so much you wanted to kill them?” Sasazuka asks over drinks. 

Mineo is not sure how they ended up here together. With their respective X-Day cases more or less solved, Sasazuka half-dragged him to a bar to ‘unwind.’ Mineo takes this to mean Sasazuka wants him to pay for drinks. His wallet complains, but he’s already here and Sasazuka is on his third cocktail, so it’s a little too late for that now. 

The bar is mostly empty; none of the few remaining patrons look their way at Sasazuka’s question. Mineo wonders if they didn’t hear, or if, like most residents of Shinjuku these days, they aren’t phased by talk of killing and death. 

He looks down into his glass and swirls the liquid around. Sasazuka’s stare is heavy, burning into his face. “Yeah,” he says. Kobayashi Hanako comes to mind. Tightening his grip around the glass, Mineo throws his head back and downs the rest of his drink. “Yeah, I have.” 

Sasazuka looks at him thoughtfully over his glass. “Didn’t think you were capable of that kind of emotion,” he remarks. 

“I didn’t either, until.” Mineo stops. _Until_ Fuji died, until he heard Kobayashi recount his final moments with unhinged glee. He’d felt murderous rage then. Tendrils of it still snake around his heart. He still hasn’t forgiven her, still hates enough to drown in it. “What about you?” When Sasazuka doesn’t respond, Mineo changes tack. “Why do you ask?” 

“Just curious,” Sasazuka says, averting his eyes. 

Maybe he’s tipsy, or spurred on by the way the yellow lighting makes Sasazuka glow, but Mineo leans forward and asks, “Sasazuka, were you curious about me?”

Sasazuka jerks always and almost spills his drink down his front. “What an unbelievably stupid thing to ask, but I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything else from an idiot like you.” It spills out of his mouth in such a rush that Mineo barely has time to squawk in protest. “I’m only interested in fully evolved humans. You’re a million years behind.”

“I said _curious_ , not interested!”

Sasazuka scoffs. “Is there a difference?”

“Well, I.” Is there? Mineo feels like the two words mean the same thing, but also not. Interested could be taken in a few different ways. In _100 Heart-jerking Love Confessions_ , ‘interested’ would be—this is dangerous territory. “I don’t know,” Mineo says lamely, hoping his face isn’t red. Why is Sasazuka making his heart jerk? He is a jerk!

But there’s more to Sasazuka than his abrasive exterior. Mineo, unfortunately, is aware of that. There are times when Sasazuka is cute, or almost nice, and there are times Mineo thinks of him unbidden with something akin to fondness. There are times when Sasazuka’s eyes on him feel like too much and not enough, where the slightest brush of skin sends Mineo into a quiet panic because of the rapid beating of his heart. 

He hates those times because they shake him up to his core. Does he like Sasazuka? Months ago, he would’ve said no, but now—now he doesn’t know. 

“I hate,” Sasazuka says after a while, his mouth set in a grim line. “I hate empathizing with their desire for revenge.” 

There’s no need to ask who—or what—he’s referring to. His voice is quiet, barely above a whisper, and his eyes are glassy, lost in a haze of memories. Mineo feels like he’s intruding in a private moment—but it’s not private, is it? Sasazuka raises his head to look at him, and Mineo realizes he’s not intruding; he’s being invited in.

“Me too. But Takeru, you’re not—you’re not like them.”

“In a different life, I could’ve been.”

“But this is your only life, and you _aren’t_ ,” Mineo says forcefully. Sasazuka blinks a few times, then opens his mouth to say something, but Mineo continues, “You chose differently, and those choices matter, right? I mean, I guess we could spend a lot of time moaning about what-ifs, but I think what matters is what you’ve done, not what you might have.” Ugh, he sounds stupid. “Or something,” he tacks on. 

Sasazuka is not vulnerable. Sasazuka is not fragile or cracking or someone who needs protecting. His eyes are hard, his expression stiff, and Mineo is positive he’ll receive a verbal tongue lashing any second—

But then Sasazuka sighs and lowers his head. Mineo thinks he catches a brief glimpse of a minuscule smile on Sasazuka’s face. It’s gone when he looks up, having morphed into a scowl. “Did you just call me Takeru?” 

“Oh. Huh.” Mineo scratches his cheek and laughs nervously. “Haha. It slipped out…”

Sasazuka’s mouth works furiously, but in the end, he says, “It’s fine.” Leaving Mineo gaping at him, he raises his glass and tips it towards Mineo. “Cheers.”

“Cheers?” Mineo echoes. 

“It’s not a question, dumbass.”

“I know that!” 

(Mineo drinks too much, and Sasazuka takes him back to the office, grumbling all the way. When he wakes up in the morning, he discovers a blanket draped on top of him and convenience store onigiri tucked in the fridge for when he wakes up hungry. 

He grins.)

* * *

He and Sasazuka still bicker back and forth whenever the occasion arises, but something changes—slightly, but Mineo can tell. There’s no underlying vitriol to Sasazuka’s jibes, and Mineo calls him ‘Takeru’ more often than ‘seaweed head’ now. If Yanagi notices, he doesn’t comment on it. Shiraishi almost does, then seems to think better of it. 

Some days Sasazuka and Mineo end up playing video games together, or watching one of Mineo’s favorite (terrible, in Sasazuka’s opinion) historical dramas on the television. Some days they do nothing, sitting silently in the office researching X-Day until Mineo brings up donuts. Some days he even coaxes Sasazuka outside with the promises of trying new desserts—which usually means hitting up conbinis for local specialties and Sasazuka _knows_ this but continues to join him no matter how much he complains. 

It’s fun, but Mineo knows that these moments have an expiry date. 

“X-Day’s almost here,” he says, exhaling loudly. His eyepatch bothers him these days, and he rubs his eye underneath it with a frown. 

“Hm,” is all Sasazuka says. “Sure is.”

“Aren’t you scared?”

“To die? Not particularly.” Sasazuka is dismissive, but Mineo’s learned to read between the lines with him by now, and he hears what Sasazuka refuses to say. “We don’t know for sure what’s going to happen, anyway. If you have time to think about dumb shit, then you have time to investigate.” But his tone isn’t harsh, just resigned.

Mineo supposes that’s all they can do now. “You’re right,” he says, forcing himself up from the couch. “We can’t give up!”

“Don’t get fired up on your own, idiot.” 

“ _Geh_ ,” Mineo says, but Sasazuka’s exasperated reaction just causes something warm to bloom in his chest, entirely at odds with the situation. 

Dimly, he thinks he knows what this means, and wants to laugh. 

* * *

Christmas Eve is upon them before Mineo can really prepare himself for it. He’s not particularly looking forward to spending it alone, so he invites Sasazuka out for dinner. Yanagi almost chokes when he makes the suggestion, and then does splutter when Sasazuka says yes without much hesitation. “When…” he begins, then shakes his head. “Never mind. I don’t want to know.” 

Mineo makes a reservation at a restaurant slightly fancier than their usual fare, but he figures it’s Christmas Eve and almost the end of… if not the world or Japan, then Shinjuku for sure. Why not blow the meager cash he has on the meal of his life? Impressing Sasazuka is not the main aim, but if it happens… Mineo won’t complain. 

But Sasazuka barely seems to notice. They eat, talk about non consequential things, and drink for as long as possible. Mineo settles the bill once they’re done, and they exit the place into the chilly December night. Shivering as the wind cuts through him, Mineo draws into himself and almost doesn’t notice how close Sasazuka is walking next to him. 

“Watch it, idiot,” Sasazuka says, shooting him a glare. 

“Why’re you pressed up against me?” Mineo asks, annoyed. But Sasazuka’s expression softens his ire; his cheeks are pink, lips parted, and he mumbles something about ‘stupid Mineo’ under his breath. The lights and decor are lulling Mineo into a mood where he feels, suddenly, giddy and buoyant and—

“Hey, Takeru?” he ventures, his tongue loosened by the atmosphere and the sake he’d drunk earlier. “If we die on X-Day, I wanted to tell you—that I like you.” 

Sasazuka squints. “As a person?” he asks skeptically. “Why would you?”

“No, not as a person,” Mineo corrects quickly. “Wait, no, as a person too, but I mean romantically? Like, in a heart-pounding way.” As far as confessions go, this is probably a travesty, but Mineo doesn’t know how else to say it. “Please don’t hit me,” he adds after a pause. 

Sasazuka looks at him like he’s grown a third head. “Idiot Mineo, what the hell are you even saying?” His voice is strangled, incredulous, but Mineo catches a hint of something deeper in his eyes, almost afraid that Mineo will say, _just kidding!_

He comes to a halt. “I’m saying I like you! I don’t know how much clearer I can make it. Somehow, I like you, and…” Mineo swallows, aware that Sasazuka can kneecap him at any moment. “And I really want to kiss you.”

“You’re drunk,” Sasazuka says finally. His voice brokers no argument. “Learn how to hold your alcohol. What are you, a kid?” 

Is this really that crazy? Or is Sasazuka trying to give him an out? Either way, Mineo desperately wants to convince him he means what he says. He feels like they’re both running out of time; the countdown is ever-present in the back of his head, and before then—before then, Mineo wants to spend a genuine moment with Sasazuka. “Takeru,” Mineo says, gripping him by the shoulders. “I’m going to kiss you. If you don’t want me to, just—just bite my lips, okay!” 

With that declaration, Mineo leans down and presses his lips to Sasazuka’s. The kiss is brief but firm; Sasazuka tastes sweet, like the candy he’d dropped into Mineo’s open palm. Mineo keeps waiting to feel a sharp sting of pain, to taste blood, but when he pulls away, Sasazuka is staring at him with wide eyes, his face a deep and endearing shade of red. 

“Amoeba,” he says roughly, reaching up to touch his lips, then jerking his hand back like he’s been shocked. “What if stupidity is contagious? What if I end up de-evolving because of this?” 

_Ah_. Mineo should’ve expected this. He rubs the back of his neck. “So… you didn’t like it?” 

“I didn’t say that.” Sasazuka looks away, but he turns back, his mouth is set. Before Mineo has the chance to probe for more, he yanks Mineo by the tie, bringing his face down so he can cover his mouth with his own. “Idiot,” he says when he pulls away, his expression softening into a smile Mineo’s never seen before. It makes him look younger and kinder, more carefree.

“I’ll still like you if you become a protozoan too,” Mineo says, still feeling a little punch-drunk from the second kiss. 

Sasazuka flushes. “Yeah, well, you _better_. Take responsibility.” He pokes the center of Mineo’s chest with each word, and Mineo laughs, understanding everything Sasazuka doesn’t want to articulate out loud. 

“I promise,” he says solemnly, and Sasazuka rolls his eyes. He resumes walking, and Mineo has to jog to keep up with him. Their hands brush against each other, fingers almost intertwining, but then Sasazuka pulls away with a scowl. 

“Why’d you do this on Christmas Eve, anyway? How cheesy.” 

“What?! It’s not like I planned it! It just… happened.” Mineo pouts. “I think it’s romantic!” 

“ _Cheesy_.”

“ _Romance!_ ”

Mineo braces himself for another ‘idiot’, but instead, Sasazuka laughs, open and free, his eyes crinkling into half-moons. Mineo thinks he would bottle up that sound if he could and leans closer, and this time when he tries to take Sasazuka’s hand, he doesn’t resist. 

* * *

* * *

* * *

(Sasazuka, as it turns out, is _not_ the absolute worst. He's not the absolute best either, but Mineo really, _really_ likes him in spite—or because—of that.)

**Author's Note:**

>  **note:** not that i think this is super relevant, but this was written before the english release of collar x malice unlimited! so if anything seems kinda off with regards to current characterization... i am sorry.


End file.
